Coping With Corona

The Coronavirus pandemic has urged us to adapt to the new normal and senior citizens have been trying hard to cope with it. Kala Sunder intricately pens down the ways by which seniors have been braving the ongoing pandemic.

Earlier this year, when thousands of old people were dying in care homes for the aged across Europe and the United States, a friend nearing 90 decided to move into one such home in Bangalore. She had been living by herself for almost two decades in a lovely independent home, surrounded by neighbours who kept an eye on her. Friends and family often visited, took her out to eat, shop, watch movies and concerts, and she loved to host parties for them at home. The lockdown “spooked” her, she said – her cook and maid, who spent half the day with her, stopped coming; her tenants, who were like family, moved back to their parental home; the neighbours were apprehensive about dropping in but called regularly and assured her of support. “But what can they do for me in this situation if I fall ill or just fall? And if I get Covid?” Her children lived on other continents and the planes that would have brought them within hours were not flying. She made calls, searched online and by the time the lockdown was lifted, she had identified a facility for senior citizens that suited her needs. She is there now – no worries about dealing with a medical emergency, cooking, cleaning. All that is looked after. It is not ‘Home, sweet home’, where she had her autonomy. She shares a room, follows a schedule set by the management, and is trying to make new friends among people whose interests and experiences are very different from hers. But she is relieved to have people around her to interact with and feels safe.

Hers is a drastic solution to a widespread problem. How are others coping? For urban middle-class senior citizens living on their own, the disruptions that the coronavirus has brought impact mainly their emotional well-being. Fear of the unknown, isolation and loneliness, anxiety over health and the loss of one’s coping mechanisms are the common complaints.

The pandemic reinforces the Russian saying ‘Old age is no fun’. Health inevitably deteriorates with age, and the biggest source of anxiety for older people is a medical emergency. It assumes alarming proportions at this time, when over-60s are considered vulnerable to Covid19 and advised to stay safe by staying home and keeping away from people to avoid infection. The support systems that older people living alone had counted on, like helpful neighbours and senior centers and groups, cannot do much now. “I have rushed my husband to hospital so many times, even in the middle of the night,” says another brave senior citizen. “Just a call to younger relatives or the neighbours, and they would come immediately.” Deprived of that sense of security now, she wakes up several times at night to make sure her husband is breathing, and then feels exhausted all day.

People continue to be helpful, of course. The young offer to fetch things, assure the old that they will help them in an emergency, but the prolonged lack of in-person social interaction and activities is as bad as an illness. A very bubbly, outgoing friend moans that the corridors in her apartment block, which used to be buzzing with conversations and laughter, are deserted. “People are afraid to stick their noses out of their front door!” She feels lonely although she chats with friends over the phone and uses WhatsApp to connect with family in different time zones all over the world. Eight months on, the appeal of virtual communication is beginning to fade. Seeing people in two dimensions, even on a big screen, is not satisfying. “It’s like the cutouts of politicians and actors we used to see on the streets,” says a 70-something who misses his morning and evening walks with friends. “You can’t shake hands with them.”

Even less satisfying are virtual consultations with doctors. But it’s better than going to a clinic and catching ‘corona’, most seniors rationalize. Minor ailments are ignored but there is a nagging worry that they may lead to something more serious.

The dependence on technology for daily living is a constant irritation. Don’t go to the bank, don’t go to the market, order and pay online, everything will come to your doorstep, we are told. But generations used to dealing with roadside vendors, shopkeepers and bankers in the flesh find smart phones and apps unfriendly and intimidating. Senior moments come in the way of remembering passwords and invisible cyber fraudsters are more terrifying than pickpockets, muggers and chain-snatchers. Even for the tech-savvy, frequent software changes and upgrades are an irritant while fear of technology is very real for many older people, and there is no avoiding it now.

“It’s a difficult time to live through,” my mother says, “and the worst time to die.” The thought that travel restrictions might not allow children to arrive and perform the last rites is distressing enough; worse, one might die of Covid and be consigned to the earth or to flames by strangers. It is said that the quality of life as you age depends on your attitude towards death, and this new fear of dying a lonely death is always at the back of the mind, poisoning it.

For 20 years as a volunteer I organized various programmes to engage senior citizens. It saddens me to see these vivacious friends confined now to their homes, cut off from their friends and favourite social activities. Silver Talkies, Nightingales Medical Trust, Dignity Foundation and other organizations in Bengaluru added life to their years and created a vibrant community of older people who looked forward to the next day. For them old age was a joy. They exercised together, developed new hobbies, held discussions, listened to talks, sang, danced, acted, went out as a group, shared their joys and sorrows, or just hung out together like teenagers. Youngsters found them ‘cool’. Many of those activities continue online, volunteers organise ‘virtual socialising’, families Zoom together. The magic of communication technology brings the outside world into their homes, opens the door to old and new friends, lifts the spirits – at least for a while. At an age when change is difficult many of these seniors have found new ways of keeping busy while staying safe – balcony gardening, online learning (music, languages, crafts) and games (scrabble, bridge). What did people do during the ‘flu pandemic a century ago, I wonder, when these possibilities didn’t exist?

The pessimists lament that the good times they used to have will never come back. The vaccine is coming, say the optimists, “And as a vulnerable group we will get it first!”